Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
