there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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