I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
