I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize