I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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