He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
