Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
