garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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