um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
