My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize