Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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