we made out on top of his cat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
