I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
