My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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