And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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