apparently the secret to your success is patron
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
