dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
