I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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