Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
