I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
