Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
