You smell like stripper and shame
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
