When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
