Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
