Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
