for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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