dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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