am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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