community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
