I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
