Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
