I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Girls should come with a carfax report
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize