i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
