I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
