you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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