onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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