dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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