it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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