why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
