I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
