Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
