i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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