I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize