break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
