I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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