I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize