I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
