So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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