I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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