Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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