I think i peed on brittanys purse
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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