I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
