The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
