I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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