my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize