Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
