I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
