I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
