is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
