Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
