accomplished twins. life is a go
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize