the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize