I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
