So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
