so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
