the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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