before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize