also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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