Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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