i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
