you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize