Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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