okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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