They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
