Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
