I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
