Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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