I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
