Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
