My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize