that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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