My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize